


I'll See You Tomorrow

by thunderstormsablaze



Category: All Elite Wrestling
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Self-Destruction, Song fic, Suicidal Thoughts, kenny just happened to be my target this time, sorry kenny, this is a self indulgent vent fic okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 09:35:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30137550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderstormsablaze/pseuds/thunderstormsablaze
Summary: Kenny's had enough. All of the broken trust, all the relationships he messed up weighing on his soul.
Relationships: Ibushi Kota/Kenny Omega, Kenny Omega/"Hangman" Adam Page, Matt Jackson/Kenny Omega, Nick Jackson/Kenny Omega, can be taken as all of or none of or some of:
Kudos: 5





	I'll See You Tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> Song is "Bullet" by Hollywood Undead, uh it's kinda dark so if you're triggered by anything like that don't read it please.

_My legs are dangling off the edge,  
_ _The bottom of the bottle is my only friend,  
_ _I think I'll slit my wrist again and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone._

Full moon, clear sky, stars smiling down on the city. It's calm, pristine. It should help him feel better, put the world into perspective. So why is he sitting there, legs dangling off the roof, empty bottle of gin next to him. Kenny always said he wouldn't ever drink, didn't like the taste of alcohol nor the feelings that came with it, but it's his last night on Earth. And he can't bring himself to care anymore. Not about what he puts into his body, not about the burning in his throat, not about the sluggishness that comes with it. 

_My legs are dangling off the edge,  
_ _A stomach full of pills didn't work again,  
_ _I'll put a bullet in my head and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone._

To his other side, a colt diamondback, so innocent, just some metal. But some metal that can take him off where he wants - needs - to go. His ticket to paradise, some better life where he can be happy again. A marionette gaining sentience, he needs to cut the strings, take back control of his life. The only way to do that cutting the string tethering him to life. Yet he doesn't mind, it'll be quick. He reaches out on autopilot, taking the gun and pressing it to his temple. 

_Gone too far and yeah, I'm gone again,  
_ _It's gone on too long, tell you how it ends,  
_ _I'm sitting on the edge with my two best friends,  
_ _One's a bottle of pills, one's a bottle of gin,_

He can't do it. Not yet. He wants to scream, cry, curse the world. This is what the world wants, what the world needs, so why can't he just pull the trigger already. Tears spill down his cheeks as he drops the gun to the roof, pulling his knees to his chest and letting himself sob. Break, the first time in ages he's let himself be weak. Let himself feel, because feeling is weakness. He can't be weak. But now, it doesn't really matter, does it.

Voices scream in his ears, telling him how useless he is, how dumb he is, how he betrayed them. Now he can pick it out, Matt and Nick, anger pounding him in waves, himself the beach, unable to stop the inevitable roar of the sea. The shards of a man curl in on himself, the small Kenny, back when he first met Nick, so small, so weak. He's not been this way in years. The brothers always had that skill, to render him so small and useless it takes months to crawl back to a shell of who he once was. Telling him to jump. 

_I'm 20 stories up, yeah, up at the top,  
_ _I'll polish off this bottle, now it's pushing me off,  
_ _Asphalt to me has never looked so soft,  
_ _I bet my mamma found my letter, now she's calling the cops,_

Dear whoever's reading this,

I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I can't hurt you anymore. I love you, I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you. I never stopped loving any of you, Matt, Nick, Adam, Kota, I love you, I'm sorry. I wish we could be normal again, the dream team like we always were, but these scars are too deep to heal. I know that now, I'm so sorry. I hurt all of you too much to ever be amended, so I hope this is some sort of repentance in your eyes. I'm sorry. I wish I never did any of this, I wish i could go back and stop myself from throwing all of this away. I'm so sorry, I love all of you. I'll never stop loving you, though I know you hate me. It's deserved, I deserve it. I'm so sorry Kota, I didn't want to leave you, I love you, please know that. I'm sorry. Adam, I'm so so sorry, I turned on you, I'm sorry, I love you, please know that. I'm sorry Matt, you never did anything wrong. I'm sorry I never listened, I'm so sorry. And you Nick, I'm so sorry I made you pick, you didn't deserve that, I love you. 

\- K Ω

_I gotta take this opportunity before I miss it,  
_ _'Cause now I hear the sirens and they're off in the distance,  
_ _Believe me when I tell you that I've been persistent,  
_ _'Cause I'm more scarred, more scarred than my wrist is,_

The urge hits and he gives in again, he always does, but this time without a fight. He deserves this, his arm marred with scars, littered with how many times he's deserved it. Hurt someone close to him, betrayed them, wasn't good enough for them. He rolls up his sleeve, mechanically taking out the knife tucked away in his pocket. Without regrets, he presses the cold steel to his skin, pressing to make a dent, then drawing crimson. It washes over his arm, drip drip dripping onto the roof. 

_I've been trying too long, with too dull of a knife,  
_ _But tonight I made sure that I sharpened it twice,  
_ _I never bought a suit before in my life,  
_ _But when you go to meet God, you know you wanna look nice._

Begging for something to stop him, but the universe urges him on, soon two, three, four, five more puddles of blood. The crimson smiling back at him, drawing him in, pleading for more to join it. And who's he to say no. He presses deeper, relief in the pain it brings, he needed this. Holding the drips away from his pants, he actually looks nice today. Pinstripe pants, button up shirt, something nice to bury him in. He can't tarnish that, can't make more work for whoever finds him. So he has to keep it pristine, unlike everything else he touches. 

_So if I survive, then I'll see you tomorrow, yeah, I'll see you tomorrow._

So similar to the first time he craved this, the abyss calling to him. Years ago, he turned his back on a man who stole his heart, chasing dreams instead of realizing he had all he needed and could ever need. Back then two brothers saved him, pulled him back, stopped him from doing anything stupid. He giggles, there's no one there to stop him now. It morphs into cackles, they're shoving him into the void this time, how funny, fate likes playing him like that. 

_My legs are dangling off the edge,  
_ _The bottom of the bottle is my only friend,  
_ _I think I'll slit my wrist again and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone,_

The giggles die down as he slices more and more, pools of blood under his arm on the roof. He should feel bad, but the rain will wash it away soon enough. So impermanent his life, watching it drip away. It's so hard to stop, he wants, needs, must keep going. But the restraint in him forces him to drop the knife, he has to suffer. Suffer like the people he loves, he doesn't deserve anything better. His death has to be painful, the time before it too. He has to torture himself, has to make this time mean something. 

_My legs are dangling off the edge,  
_ _A stomach full of pills didn't work again,  
_ _I'll put a bullet in my head and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone._

After all, why shouldn't he suffer. He hurt so many people, only brought pain to everything he touched. So why should he be an exception, the catalyst of the disasters. It's nothing less than he deserves. He digs his fingers into the weeping cuts on his arm, tearing up from the pain but refusing to let them fall. He doesn't deserve that reprieve, not when the people he tarnished didn't get it. His touch poison, he barks out a laugh, after so long trying to heal people they just turned to dust in his hands. 

_We hit the sky, there goes the light, no more sun, why's it always night?  
_ _When you can't sleep, well, you can't dream,  
_ _When you can't dream, well, what's life mean?_

Not even sleep offers him respite from the pain of living. He can't dream anymore, only nightmares greeting him when he closes his eyes, unable to wake up from them. Screaming voices battering him for destroying their relationship, berating him it was all for naught. And they're right, he ruined them for nothing. He sees it now, even though it's much too late to do anything about it. Don was manipulating him, playing him like the fool he was and oh boy was he a fool, thinking he ruined relationships for something meaningful. Because nothing could be as meaningful as they were. 

_We feel a little pity, but don't empathize  
_ _The old are getting older, watch a young man die,_

He's lived too long. Should have died years ago, back when his touch first turned to poison. When he left Kota, saw the heartbreak in his eyes. He didn't deserve to have a good life after that, didn't deserve the happiness of Adam. He turned that to poison too, left him and added more weight to his soul. Now this, turning on his longest friends who he loves, the poison the deepest, hurting the most, the abyss shouting at him even more now. All the blood over his arm, he dug deeper into the cuts while thinking, repentance. Cleansing him, at least a little. 

_A Mother and a Son and someone you know, smile at each other and realize you don't,  
_ _You don't know what happened to that kid you raised,  
_ _What happened to the Father, who swore he'd stay?  
_ _I didn't know 'cause you didn't say,  
_ _Now Mamma feels guilt, yeah, Mamma feels pain,_

No one will care about his end, he burnt too many bridges. This is what he deserves, have his corpse left behind without anyone to mourn him. No one will come to his funeral, and he doesn't deserve anyone. He deserves this, end himself before he hurts their lives anymore. They're strong, fighters, resilient. They can clean up their lives, wipe themselves free of his stain, continue without him. It's better that way, he can't ruin them anymore and they don't need to care about him. It's fine, he deserves this. 

_When you were young, you never thought you'd die,  
_ _Found that you could but too scared to try,  
_ _You looked in the mirror and you said goodbye,  
_ _Climb to the roof to see if you could fly._

It was easy, getting everything ready. His clothes, the gun, the pills, the knife, the note. All falling into place. The hardest thing was checking on his ex friends. Making sure they were safe, were okay. Well, they'll be so much better off without him. He never wanted to hurt them, but now he's cancer. He doesn't remember getting to the roof, too drunk for that, but sober enough to know what he needs to do. Not that the call of the edge could ever be satisfied by anything less than the life leaving him. Not that he could ever be satisfied by anything less than that. 

_So if I survive, then I'll see you tomorrow, yeah, I'll see you tomorrow._

This precipice, so similar to the one he was on long ago. Back when nothing seemed okay, though looking back he was happy then. That time, he actually managed to down the pills, felt the life leaving him. But he was rescued, his oldest friend saved him once more. They never spoke of it again, the chaos of finding Kenny in his hotel bathtub passed out, but neither forgot that time. Now he's doing his old friend a favor one last time, leaving him before the poison rots him like it has all the others. 

_My legs are dangling off the edge,  
_ _The bottom of the bottle is my only friend,  
_ _I think I'll slit my wrist again and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone,_

More giggles fall from his lips, head light from the blood pooling under his arm. But he picks up the knife again and slices deeper, craving, needing the crimson high. It feels so good, finally, the red washing away his sins, lightening them just a little on his soul. He can just imagine the long line of people he betrayed, each taking the knife and having their turn on laying a slash. It's the least he can do for them, give them that opportunity to hurt him. Karma. 

_My legs are dangling off the edge,  
_ _A stomach full of pills didn't work again,  
_ _I'll put a bullet in my head and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone._

Finally, the moment he's been waiting for. How should he die. The gun lays next to him, smiling back at him, but no, that's too easy, too quick, not painful enough. He could do it by letting himself bleed out, but that's not satisfying the deep urges in him, doesn't offer him the clarity time right before the inevitable. The ledge calls to him, an abyss just like the one everyone wants to push him into. He cackles, it's perfect. Just what he needs. 

_I wish that I could fly, way up in the sky,  
_ _Like a bird so high,  
_ _Oh I might just try,_

He stands, the blood loss turning the world all fuzzy. The alcohol preventing him from seeing right. Yet he sees clearer than ever, for now it's all he deserves waiting for him. The fantasy, dream of flying to heaven, though he knows it's never going to happen. He's falling right to hell, suffering there like he made everyone else suffer. It's what he deserves. The torment, agony, all of it. He deserves all of it for all the trust he shattered. 

_I wish that I could fly, way up in the sky,  
_ _Like a bird so high,_  
 _Oh I might just try,  
Oh I might just try._

Unable to ignore the calls any longer, he steps to the edge. Taking a deep breath, finally a calm washes over him. He doesn't have to poison the ones he loves anymore. They're better off without him. A small smile across his face, happy, genuine for the first time in years. And he flys.

**Author's Note:**

> If you see yourself in this, please know I care about you a lot and please take care of yourself. If you want someone to talk to, feel free to message me on tumblr at onestormynight, that's where I mostly hang out, but if you have some other account let me know and I'll message you that way.


End file.
